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| NAME | SIMON DAVIS |
| AGE | 44 |
| HEIGHT | 5ft 10" |
| WEIGHT | 15st 5lb |
| MARITAL STATUS | VERY SINGLE |
| CAR | KANGOO VAN 1.5D |
| SEASONS WITH CLUB | 22nd |
| POSITION | UTILITY, PLAYED EVERYWHERE EXCEPT CENTRE-BACK |
| PREVIOUS CLUBS | NONE |
| NICKNAME | SUMO |
| LIKES | JESSICA ALBA, ZHANG ZIYI, CRICKET & FIVE WICKET HAULS |
| DISLIKES | COCKNEY REDS, LASAGNE, IGNORANT DRIVERS & CHICK FLICKS |
| FAVOURITE FILM | THE SEARCHERS, ZULU, SPARTACUS & THE SEVEN SAMURAI |
| FAVOURITE SONG | LABELLED WITH LOVE - SQUEEZE & GOOD RIDDANCE - GREEN DAY |
| FAVOURITE FOOD | BANGERS AND MASH, ONION GRAVY & BAKED BEANS |
| FAVOURITE FOOTBALL TEAM |
WATFORD F.C. & "THE WARRIORS" AKA STENHOUSEMUIR F.C. |
| FAVOURITE PLAYER OF ALL TIME | ALAN SUNDERLAND, LUTHER BLISSETT & TOMMY MOONEY |
| FAVOURITE SWEET | CLARNICO MINT CREAMS & WALNUT WHIPS |